Enchantment and the Economy of Reciprocation

I once heard that a typical audience member will by entranced by 1/3 of a performance. On Thursday, March 24, I discovered it was entirely false.

That’s when I witnessed Guy Kawasaki presenting to the Commonwealth Club of California, and I was captivated from beginning to end.

For those of you unfamiliar with Guy Kawasaki, he was part of the original Macintosh marketing team and is now an author, blogger, venture capitalist, and master of simplicity and charm. Kawasaki was introducing his new book, which is entitled, appropriately enough, Enchantment.

You’d Do The Same For Me

To for me to recap the full hour would be a disservice to Kawasaki’s clarity, depth, and vibrancy. So I’d like to focus on the aspect of his presentation that really spoke to me, the value (and technique) of helping others.

You see, gifts and reciprocity play an integral role in the process of enchantment. Not only do they make a good impression by showing that you’re willing to go the extra mile, but they also have a way of coming back to you in the form of favors and goodwill.

The phrase, “you’re welcome,” can actually put a damper on this process. It implies an end to they cycle of giving. “I know you’d do the same for me,”  is much more valuable. It highlights your good opinion of the recipient, downplays your own effort, and encourages reciprocity.

Let Yourself Be Repaid

Nobody likes being in debt.

I mean sure, it’s obvious when we think about money, but the same is true when we feel socially indebted to someone.

And since the currency of gifts is goodwill, the best thing you can do for someone whom you have helped out in the past is to give them a chance to repay you. A healthy back-and-forth exchange of gifts is a sign of equals. And as Guy Kawasaki will gladly point out, you are far more likely to enchant someone who sees you treating them like an equal.

How can you help your friends and allies pay you back?

• Stay in touch
• Accept invitations
• Boast about what you like
• Share your needs & woes

Create enough opportunity and a good ally will find a way to reciprocate.

It’s Not About The Money

You don’t ask if you “got a good deal” on a favor. You don’t look for the cost effectiveness of a gift. It’s just the nature of giving.

But the moment you attach a price tag to a gift, it turns into something else: a bargain. And if someone offers you a bargain, you’d better look at the return on investment or you’re a chump.

In other words, a gift is not about the money.

If you put a price on your favors, you encourage the recipients to think in financial terms, where thriftiness is a virtue and overpayment is a sin.

Don’t Be Stupid

Kawasaki’s final word on doing favors is probably the most important: “Don’t be stupid.”

• Don’t make an enemy just to court a possible friend.
• Don’t undermine your position with favors.
• Don’t give to someone who finds it offensive.
• Don’t cater to unreasonable requests.
• Don’t break the bank
• Don’t be stingy (a 10¢ favor is nothing of the sort)

Looking For More?

Guy Kawasaki’s new book, Enchantment, is available through Amazon.

Or, for a more academic treatment of Favor Economies, try The Gift by Marcel Mauss.