Yes, I’m a professional writer. Nonetheless, there are words and constructions that still confuse me. Fortunately, I remain aware that I goof up when using some of them—so I turn to my trusty Penguin Dictionary of Troublesome Words for guidance.  I bought it brand new in 1984 but it hasn’t let me down yet.  And I always get a chuckle out the cover, which considers variations on this famous split infinitive:

Boldly to go

To boldy go

To go boldly

Troublesome Words

Let’s look at three word pairs that confuse me—because I’m sure I’m not alone in my puzzlement.

Affect, effect

Affect, as a verb, means to influence (Smoking may affect your health) or adopt a pose (He affected indifference).

Effect, as a noun, means to accomplish (The prisoners effected their escape), to produce an impression (She bats those eyelashes to great effect), or achieve results (The loss had a predictable effect on the team morale).  If only I could consistently remember  to use effect when describing something that was caused or brought about!

Affect, by its lonesome, is a bland verb. Notice that The cacophony of vuvzelas affected his play gives no hint as to how he played. Better than average? Horrendously? Leaping tall buildings in a single bound? Therefore, if I use affect, I must remember to qualify it, or decide not to use it at all.

Lie, lay

Lay means to put or to place. Lay is a transitive verb, so it requires a direct object. In practical terms, a transitive verb is something you do to something else.  So, in I lay the book down on the table,  what you do is lay (the verb) and what you do it to is the book (the direct object).

Lie means to recline. It also means to tell a falsehood. I lie down on the sofa means, obviously, that I reclined on the couch, not that I fibbed.

Lie is an intransitive verb: It is capable of expressing itself alone and has no need of a direct object. In other words, if someone says I lay… one must ask, “Lay what? Lay it where?”  whereas I lie is a complete sentence, meaning  I recline. You can garnish it up, elaborating on when the reclining was done and on what, but you don’t have to.  (Yes, I lie can also mean I’m not telling the truth. Let context be your guide.)

Things get stickier (for me, at least) when I have to use lie and lay in other than present tense. I still have to look them up.  For that, I put down my Dictionary and turn to Professor Gibson’s Wonderful World of Editing.

Who, whom

My Dictionary of Troublesome Words tells me to use whom when it is the object of a preposition (to whom it may concern), object of a verb (the nurse whom Theodore interviewed) or the subject of a complimentary infinitive (the guy whom we took to be Shaquille).  Who is used on all other occasions.

Gee, that clears things up.

I try to check my work by replacing who/whom with he/him.  Supposed I’ve written  Alfonzo, whom the police believed was  involved…. Uh, maybe that should be Alfonzo, who… Let’s check: Would I say the police believed he was involved… or the police believe him was involved… I would indeed say he was involved.  Therefore, I need to use who in the sentence, thus: Alfonzo, who the police believed was  involved….

I’ll never memorize it all!

English is a mighty odd language. Some words sound the same. Some words are spelled the same. Change the tense, and dissimilar words become indistinguishable. I can’t memorize every rule.  Even though I am a reliable resource for others (writing is my profession!) I still know I need to find—and use—good resources. You’re welcome to borrow mine. Please, let me know yours.